Why They Fail, What you Can Do About it
Author: Fred Tutwiler
Ah, yes. New Year’s Resolutions. It’s a tradition that invokes everything from delight to resignation, has a success rate akin to winning the lottery and has the power to launch feelings of guilt, failure, and dark humor in a flash. And yet every year, millions of people are drawn to the ritualistic hope of achieving some magical outcome as if, perhaps, FINALLY, we will triumph over a stubborn habit or fear that has resisted (clobbered, thrashed, walloped?) our most sincere efforts in years past.
But, alas, the annoying reality is that the payback for this year’s toil will probably be no different than last, or the one before that (sigh). Research over the years has concluded that about 80% of all New Year’s Resolutions are broken by January 31. If that resolution had something to do with health and fitness (working out, losing weight, quitting smoking, etc), 90% will be history by January 15th!! By the end of the year, less than 5% of us will have persevered with our resolutions intact. It’s easy to see why so many people don’t take this annual ritual serious to begin with. What’s up with all THAT?
Notwithstanding their diabolical reputation, New Year’s Resolutions can be a very positive resource. They can provide an opportunity for us to evaluate our progress in life, which is not a horrible idea. They can invigorate our lives with inspiring challenges and wonderful experiences to look forward to. Who says they have to be a drag? Just because things haven’t worked out well in the past with respect to your resolutions is no reason to assume they never will. And, just because you may have never considered New Year’s Resolutions as a wonderful mechanism for creating new and exciting outcomes, doesn’t mean it’s too late to start doing that.
Some people choose to approach this annual ritual with a degree of triviality and playfulness. Nothing at all wrong with that. In fact, it may be the perfect approach for many. So for those who prefer “Resolutions Lite”, I’ve got some great suggestions later in this article. And for those who really do long for a triumphant breakthrough in some area of life, I have some suggestions on how to give your resolutions a fighting chance this year.
Why New Year’s Resolutions Fail. Simply put, if our lives and actions were conducive to producing a particular result, we would probably produce it, especially if it was important to us. Our brains are wired in such a way that certain behaviors keep repeating themselves, which in turn produces results that are consistent with those behaviors. Trying to change a behavior without working on the “wiring” is like trying to convince yourself to drink buttermilk when the very thought of it makes you want to puke. Let’s face it, if you hate working out at the gym, then buying a three-year contract at your local fitness center in hopes that it will somehow shame you into working off that beer gut is nuts! (Something you may have learned from painful experience.)
The starting point to being successful at ANYTHING in life, including resolutions, is your expectations. Whether or not you expect to accomplish something will decisively impact whether or not you do. Expectations cause two things to happen. First, they stimulate actions that are consistent with the expectation. Outcomes are then produced which are consistent with those actions. And second, expectations inspire a particular quality of conversations. The surrounding environment (friends, family, co-workers, acquaintances, etc.) begins to respond to those conversations, and that environment takes actions and produces outcomes that are consistent with those conversations.
For example, if you are confident that you can replace the leaky faucet in the bathroom, even though you’ve never done it before, your attitude will be positive and your actions will have a quality about them that produces results. You’re likely to stick with those actions long enough, and learn what you need to learn, to get those results. You will find people who can help you and you will learn from them. If you stick with it, your environment will come to know you as someone who can figure things out, or at least, someone who can fix faucets. The next time a faucet leaks, or a door squeaks, you’ll be inclined to build on your previous triumph and take a crack at something new.
On the other hand, if you don’t think you can fix the faucet because you don’t how, or you think it’s not worth it to try, then your attitude, thinking and enthusiasm will be much more limited. Your actions will be half-hearted and you probably won’t stick with it for very long even if you do start. People won’t take you seriously, and may even decline to support or participate in your efforts. In the end, you’ll produce a result that reflects all of these factors. In this case, you won’t fix the faucet and you will be less likely to attempt similar projects in the future. Substitute the example of “fixing the faucet” with “losing weight”, saving money”, “writing a book”, “falling in love”… well, you get the picture. The nature of expectations is that they determine what action we will take and the quality of that action. The expectation itself will be a dominant force in determining the outcome.
And that’s what makes New Year’s Resolutions so vexing for most of us. Regardless of what we say we want, or how badly we want it, or how sincere or determined we are, the “reality” for each of us is that we expect to do the same things we’ve always done, with the hopeful chance of some improvement. The trick to busting out of this Resolutions cycle is to find a way to think outside your expectations, because if you don’t do that, no amount of strategizing or goal-setting is going to make much difference. It isn’t an overnight process, but there are some steps you can take that can get you headed in the right direction.
Resolutions Lite. About 10 years ago, I considered resolutions to be a waste of time. As much out of frustration as anything I decided to resolve something that I was absolutely certain I could accomplish – I was going to visit a new restaurant at least once a month. I had so much fun with it that I renewed it for two more years. I next decided that I was going to attend a musical concert each month for an artist I had never seen before. THAT WAS A GREAT YEAR! I looked forward to keeping my resolution every month. And here’s a very important point – the quality of my life experience increased simply by keeping that “lite” resolution. Subsequent resolutions included buying a new kind of wine once a month, and reading a magazine that I’d never read. I came to see myself as someone who knows and appreciates good food, music and wine. I also came to understand that I was talented enough, and resourceful enough, to conquer new challenges. Guess what that can do for your self-esteem?
Three years ago I upped the ante on myself and resolved to visit the Caribbean four times a year, which was a real expansion, but one I was salivating over it. Bingo! I loved it so much that I figured the only thing that would make it better was if someone else was paying for it! Two projects arose from that realization. I’ve designed a 7-day course on getting what you want in life that will be delivered aboard a cruise ship beginning in 2007. And second, I am co-writing a series of books with a travel-agent friend that details what you need to know if you are going to take a cruise to the Caribbean. The first one goes on sale in January, 2007. Woo Hoo!
Over the past ten years, as I “accomplished” each of my lite resolutions, I automatically expanded my point of view. Ten years ago, it was inconceivable for me to imagine that I would write a book about cruising to the Caribbean. But as I took each successive step, my expectations about my ability to achieve success expanded and became more deeply entrenched. While the decision to write a book about the Caribbean, or design a program aboard a cruise ship, would have seemed gargantuan several years ago, by the time I actually declared that resolution, it wasn’t such a big step at all. Indeed, it was a logical and natural progression.
Of course, this path takes time and one never knows for sure where it will ultimately lead, so it isn’t well suited for producing a specific result in the short term. But, if you employ this strategy, you will be amazed at how your expectations of yourself develop. After that, who knows what you can accomplish, including those pesky resolutions that have kicked your butt in the past. So, if your inclination is to take the leisurely path that celebrates the fun of life, then by all means, choose this one and follow it enthusiastically. Make your Resolution something that you will look forward to all year long. Take up painting pottery, visit a museum once a month, volunteer for a charity or send unsolicited post cards for no reason at all. The palette of possibilities is unlimited. And the payoff is magical.
Earnest Resolutions. If this is the path you choose, then by all means, read my free e-book listed at the end of this article. This path could be challenging, and not without risk. But, you weren’t born to sit safely on the sidelines, content to accept whatever you get. One of our greatest human assets is the capacity to dare greatly against the odds. Sure, you sometimes get your ass kicked, but you’ll never be mistaken for a flat tire on the side of the road!
“The credit belongs to the man in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly. His place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.” -Theodore Roosevelt
Here are a few guidelines that could have this year turn out to be the most amazing year of your life.
1. Ask yourself why you want this particular resolution to come true. Modern day philosopher Phillipa Foot points out that “…the wise man knows the means to certain good ends; and secondly, he knows how much particular ends are worth.” Some pursuits are more worthwhile than others. Is your resolution worthwhile, or is it trivial? The wise person understands the folly of shallow obsessions like material wealth, personal power, perfect bodies, or making points with the boss. If money, power, beauty, fine houses and perfect bodies were the ultimate keys to happiness, then every millionaire athlete or pop star or “Top 100 Sexiest (whatever)” would be supremely happy and every farmer, school teacher and massage therapist would be abjectly miserable.
2. If your life was set up to support you in having the outcome you want, you probably would already have it. Since you don’t, it’s a safe bet that you’re not really committed to having it. I’m not suggesting that you are deceiving yourself, (though that is possible), but you may be committed to something else more and you just don’t know it. That being the case, it would be a really good idea to determine whether or not you’re committed to this thing you want or if you are just interested in it. READ MY E-BOOK AND LEARN THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BEING COMMITTED AND BEING INTERESTED. Ultimately, you will always fulfill your commitments! That’s an energy worth harnessing if you ask me.
3. Stop looking outside yourself for why you don’t have what you want. Instead, take an honest look INSIDE – at your expectations. You probably have one of three beliefs, or expectations: 1) you don’t deserve what you want, 2) you aren’t really capable of getting what you want or 3) you don’t really think it’s worth what it would take. Your results have very little to do with circumstances or other people’s actions. It’s your expectations that are undermining your efforts. You just haven’t been aware of how that works (until now.)
4. Retrain your environment, friends and family to support your resolution. Whenever you’re not getting the result you want, you have structures in your life that are sabotaging your efforts. By “structures” I mean, you’ve spent years, maybe decades, designing your life and training the people in your life to operate in a particular way. That way of operating does NOT include having this particular outcome. It isn’t necessarily opposed to it either. It takes work to convince your spouse, kids or boss to make room for a new commitment, but don’t count on anything being different if you don’t handle this first.
5. Choose the meaningful path for yourself. Stop having your life be defined solely by your accomplishments. What are you contributing to others? What are you creating? When you’re 100 years old, you’re not going to care if your hair, or your wardrobe, or your car was perfect all those years. I’ve asked dozens of senior citizens what they regretted about their lives and what they loved. Every one of them said they regretted not being true to their own counsel and loved it when they experienced life on their terms. Those that were really happy also said that they had experienced true love. I think they know something. We should listen.
In the end, New Year’s resolutions will continue to be a challenge for many of us. Along the way, you become whatever your choices are. If you choose mediocrity and safety, you become mediocre and safe. You can either choose to be defined by your expectations, or you can choose to be defined by your inspirations. When you choose the inspiring path, what you end up with and how long it takes to get it, doesn’t matter. Isn’t it time to stop having your life be about the obssessive pursuit of “success” and start having it be about discovery and inspiration?
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/goal-setting-articles/new-years-resolutions-why-they-fail-what-you-can-do-about-it-84160.html
About the Author:
Fred Tutwiler has worked with companies, individuals and athletic teams, including the 17 time NCAA Champion UNC Women’s Soccer Team and the WUSA League Champion Carolina Courage. Fred, The Reality Coach, challenges non-productive views of reality. He is the author of Your MEGAgiNormous Rules: The invisible rules you live by, why they keep you stuck, and what you can do about it. Download Fred’s FREE e-book “Why DO We KEEP Doing The Same Thing Over And Over Even When We DON’T LIKE the Result We Get?” .
